


To Feel Alone

by orphan_account



Series: In Our Dreams [2]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Nightmares, Some Fluff, Some angst, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture, kanera if you squint, kinda but nothing really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:41:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23254879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Zeb would fight. And not just for the galaxy, but for his new family. Even if he felt so alone.(can be read/understood without reading the other part of the series )
Relationships: Alexsandr Kallus/Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios
Series: In Our Dreams [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1671823
Comments: 6
Kudos: 51





	To Feel Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for mentions of suicidal throughs, and minor violence (choking).

Zeb sat in an Imperial cell, cuffs tightly secured around his wrists. It was not an unfamiliar sight; he’d been caught by the Imps more times than he’d like to admit. But there was something different this time. And yet, the cell had all the usual aesthetics of a holding cell on a Star Destroyer.

The dim red light being emitted from the floor cast long shadows on the walls. The flat, black cement block opposite the door that could be used as a bed or a place to sit. There were the three steps- black, everything always was black or white or red with the Imps- that descended from the sealed cell door. The overhanging door frame. The faint chill of the poorly insulated cell- Imperials would never care about There was not a single thing that could have given Zeb an inkling that something- big or small- was out of the normal. 

And yet, despite everything that suggested otherwise, Zeb felt something completely different than anything else he’d ever felt before. At least in an Imperial cell. It raised the fur on his arms, neck, and back. Made the chill of the room so much worse than the usual- kriff, he was covered in fur afterall. The ominous feeling that he had learned to associate with the waiting for whatever it was that the Imperials would subject him to felt so much stronger. Colder. More cruel. 

Darker.

If Zeb was being honest with himself, the last time he had truly felt this much apprehension coiled in his chest was on Lasan. And that felt like so many ages ago. Longer than the years he had been alive, at least. 

It had been a troubling time, he had fought a losing battle to the Empire, lost most of his guardsmen and the royal family, and lost his home. He had been so alone, so near bringing about his own demise. Zeb could never find it in him to actually do anything, the reminder of the fallen left a bitter taste in his mouth; telling him that he deserved a much more terrible ending than the escape he’d find in a blaster bolt. 

He had choked on the residual smoke in his lungs from the ion disrupters, swallowed back sobs, roughly raked his paws through his fur just to feel something more than the loneliness he was drowning in. It had gone on for too long. Time had been blurred, hoursdaysmonths felt like a long smear of hurt. 

Then a light entered his life. A Jedi- a Padawan learner, Kanan had insisted, not a true Jedi- who was on the run and a beautiful Twi'lek pilot. And of course her droid, but Zeb never found that astromech to be a light- just a minor annoyance. Secretly, he wouldn’t have it any other way. Slowly, Zeb had realized that he could have a purpose outside of his wallowing. That not everything had to be lost to the Empire even though everything he knew had been. 

He would fight. He would roar and scream and wreak havoc for the Imps. He would make a spectacle of himself. He would invest everything into this little war if it meant he could do something- anything- to prevent what had happened to his people from happening to anyone else. He would fight. Not only for the galaxy, but for his new family. 

But the cell he was sitting in. It made him feel everything he had felt before Kanan and Hera and Chopper. It made him clench his fists and dig his claws into his palms. It hurt. Made him want to cower and hide in a corner or curl into a ball. Of course he would never do such a thing but he wasn’t past thinking it. 

He lost himself in his thoughts, daydreamed- he would never sleep on a Star Destroyer- of all the better places he could possibly be in instead of this. And then the door opened, bright light streaming into the tiny cell. Zeb didn’t need to look up to know who was there, the cold feeling of dread washing over him. There were footsteps, each one getting considerable closer to Zeb. The figure spoke. 

“Lasat,” the Fifth Brother spit the word out like a curse. Instead of letting his anxiety rule his actions, Zeb let his head rise and snarled, 

“And? I thought you’d be happy ta see me. Guess I was wrong, Ugly.”

“Insolent beast!” 

“Hey! If I can’t tell ya the truth, then you don’t get to insult me. I could say the same about yourself,” sarcasm dripped from Zeb’s mouth. He knew it was risky to mess with an Inquisitor but he just didn’t care. So when the Inquisitor walked right up to him and wrapped a hand tightly around Zeb’s throat with a massive hand, Zeb was nowhere near surprised. He’d expected it. “What? Can’t use the Force? Pathetic,” Zeb choked out, vision going a little fuzzy around the edges as his supply of oxygen was cut off. 

Zeb’s comments weren’t helping his situation either. The grey humanoid creature only applied more pressure to the choke hold he had on Zeb’s neck. The thing was talking. Zeb wasn’t listening to a word it was saying. A ringing sound had started reverberating around the back of his head and his vision was slightly spinning and going dark around the edges. 

And then a red lightsaber is ignited. The Inquisitor says another few words that Zeb thinks is a hate filled, 

“Farewell… ‘twas a pleasure.”

And then the blade is stabbed into his chest. 

\--

Zeb wakes with a start, panic filled eyes flicking open. Zeb had never been the type to wake up from his nightmares and cause a commotion. He had always done it quietly, hoping he didn’t accidently wake anyone else up- he’d never thought himself worth being concerned over. 

It takes him a moment, but he realizes that he is laying in a bed so soft he could drown in it. There is a soft source of light coming from behind him and shedding light on the wall he’s facing. There are white sheets strewn over his body, cool and soft. And then there is a warmth he feels, coming right beside him. His arm is thrown over the body, as if he is trying to draw him into his own body. 

Zeb smiles slightly at the man, looking at the face of the person he loves most in the galaxy. And then the man stirs slightly, and his beautiful amber eyes crack open. He’s breathing less deeply than if he had been a second ago and Zeb realizes that he must have woken up. 

Yawning, he says, “Alex, go back to sleep. It’s early.” 

And he sees his lover be pulled into sleep, breathing evening out once more. 

Zeb had always thought he’d be alone. He never could have possibly dreamed that he would get this. It’s an absolute dream. But looking around their room, seeing the few pictures of himself, of Kallus, and of the Phantom Crew before… Some of the memories are bittersweet, but he smiles as he sees the people he loves in them. 

His nightmares are only just that- nightmares. He has a new life, one on Lira San that he thought he could never have. And he has it with the person he loves more than his life itself. 

He smiles, a gentle expression, happy to be alive and to have what he does. 

This is better than a dream. He fought for it. He earned it. And he has never felt this way. So, so very loved.

**Author's Note:**

> Stay safe and thank you for reading!  
> -J


End file.
